I Don’t Want to be Catholic!

In addition to my friend’s great advice, I went to my Priest and cried for an hour, wringing my hands and carrying on! I told him, “I don’t want to be Catholic anymore! It’s just too hard!” I also clarified that those things I had been told by that Reformed Baptist lady had said were not true – because I had no idea how to find out for sure, as I had only read books from a Catholic perspective. She, obviously, had heard something quite different.

And that teaching on Redemptive Suffering? I still didn’t get it. It was a foreign concept for me – to unite my sufferings with those of Christ. Christ’s Sacrifice was once and for all – how could I offer up my sufferings? I could see that this was very clearly taught in Scripture by Saint Paul but that didn’t seem to make things a bit easier to bear.

I still didn’t want to be Catholic but knew I could be nothing else. So I became an even better Closet Catholic. I took off my crucifix, avoided any kind of faith conversation with anyone, and brushed up on my Protestant-speak. Instead of saying, “Thanks be to God,” for example, I said, “Praise the Lord!” I pushed my faith so far into the back of the closet, I doubt there was any evidence to convict me of being Catholic. I was an emotional wreck, I was hyper-sensitive, and I was actually a little bit ashamed to admit to anyone that I was Catholic. Frankly, I just couldn’t take the heat.